Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
