my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize