and she was petting her beer can
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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