need another drink. this is the easiest way
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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