My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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