there's paper in my vomit.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
being pregnant is like rehab
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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