it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
