im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
