Hey man sorry I got all grabby
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
