My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
