I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
