just come out here and I will go home with you...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
