I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
