Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
