At least make sure they are 18
Why
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
