$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
