even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
