I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize