Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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