Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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