I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
