how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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