Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
