BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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