ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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