I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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