Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
