I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
