i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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