goodnight i made you a song goodbye
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
