sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
