i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
