we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
