Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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