I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
