Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
