your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Need sex. Gaining weight.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
