I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
