I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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