Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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