she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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