I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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