Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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