YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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