apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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