Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
