Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
