remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
