If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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