you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize