today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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