I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
