i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
