but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
