I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
