just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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