I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
