i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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