You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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