My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
