what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
