honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
