apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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