2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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