I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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