my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize