i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
