She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
