I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
