can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
